How to Host a Bring-Your-Own-Parents (BYOP) Dinner

What if we invited our friends to dinner and asked them to bring their parents so we can all meet?

My friend Patricia and I came up with that idea, and my parents hosted the first Bring-Your-Own-Parents (BYOP) dinner in February 2020. Here's how to host one, with texts you can copy.

How the first BYOP dinner started

I have close friends to talk to and count on when things get tough. My parents don't.

When my mom and dad immigrated to America, they left behind everything to live in a new country, culture, and language. They were so busy surviving they didn't have the luxury of building deep friendships. I realized my parents feel lonely, just like me.

So we made a group chat with our friends whose parents speak Chinese. We picked a date and put it on the calendar.

My parents hosted the first one at our apartment: 11 of us, six parents from four families, plus me and four friends. The parents were meeting each other for the first time, and they could all speak Chinese together. My four friends and I listened to our parents tell stories about their childhoods.

We all exchanged WeChat accounts and stayed in touch. A year later, my parents were still raving about it.

Because of COVID, we didn't host the second one until December 10, 2022: a potluck in San Francisco. That's the group photo at the top of this post.

Step 1: Make a list

Start with a list of friends whose parents might speak the same language as yours.

Step 2: Send 1:1 invitations

Message each friend on their own first, to see if they'd be interested in asking their parents. Then put everyone who's interested in a group chat.

Message you can copy

Hi [friend]! [Co-host] and I have been planning a get together with some friends where we all bring our parents so they can meet each other. We realized that our parents don’t have as big of a community as we do and would love to create some space for them to make more friends that speak their language.

Do your parents speak [language]?

If you and your parents might be interested, send me your number and email so I can add you to our group chat to coordinate.

Step 3: Create a group chat

Make a group chat with all the adult children to plan logistics. Use whatever's easiest for everyone: text, WhatsApp, WeChat, Messenger, or email.

Message you can copy

Hi friends! I mentioned to each of you about planning a potluck dinner where we all bring our parents and wanted to start a group chat so we can discuss, plan logistics, and answer questions.

Step 4: Pick a date

Don't ask everyone for their preferences and wait for responses. Pick a date that might work for most people, block off 2 to 3 hours, and ask who can't make it. Then send a calendar invite.

Friday and Saturday evenings typically work best.

Message you can copy

I'm tentatively scheduling our dinner to be on [date/time]. Does this not work for anyone?

Step 5: Confirm with parents

Ask everyone to check with their parents within a week and confirm the date works for them.

Message you can copy

Hey everyone, it sounds like [date/time] tentatively works for everyone for the event. Please ask your parent(s) by [date/time - one week from today] to confirm that they can attend. Send us a quick message here when you do so we know!

What about food?

• Potluck: The easiest option. Every family brings one dish.
• One family cooks: My parents' love language is making food for others, so my mom and dad cooked for everyone at our first BYOP dinner. If you do it again, a different family can host each time.
• Eat out or order in: Go to a restaurant everyone likes, or order takeout.

What do we do during the dinner?

You don't need an agenda. We didn't have one at our first dinner.

If you want something to get people talking, put a few cards from our game, Parents Are Human, at each seat. The deck comes in 19 language editions. In the 18 bilingual editions, every card has English on the front and the translation on the back, so you can read the front and your parents can read the back.

See all 19 language editions of Parents Are Human

Questions people ask

Do people need to bring both parents?

Nope. At our first dinner, four families brought six parents between them. Ask your parents what they'd like, and have your friends do the same.

How many people should we invite?

Up to you. Our first had 11 people and our second had more than 20. Think about how many people your space fits.

Host one and tell us how it went

If you host one, tag @parentsarehuman in your photos so we can see them, and use #bringyourownparents and #byop. DM us what worked and what didn't.