Joseph LamCo-Founder and CEO of Parents Are Human, writing for the holidays
They don't need another gift this year, they need time with you.
My parents and I barely talked for 12 years. One question a week, for one year, changed that. This is the gift I'd give everyone I love this holiday.
Buy 2, get 2 free: any 4 decks $78 Regular price $156
Free shipping on 2+ decks. Order by Dec 15 for Christmas (US).
Hi, I'm Joseph.
For about 12 years, my parents were the only people I yelled at. I'd come home and dump all my stresses and frustrations on them. I didn't even know how to be myself around them.
Then I started asking them one question a week from a card game. We played once a week for a year, and we got so close through all those conversations that we started working together. We still work together every single day.
Very few things in my life have made that big of a difference.
The question that changed how I see my mom
My mom always put way too much food on my plate. Enough for three people. And every time, I'd lash out at her: "Mom, how many times did I tell you I can't eat all this food?"
Then one day I asked her the simplest question: "What was your favorite food growing up?"
She talked for three hours. First of all, she said, she didn't have any food growing up. All she ate was porridge. Grain plus water, the same paste they used as glue to build buildings. She grew up during the Chinese famine.
That was when it finally clicked. Piling food on my plate was her way of saying I love you.
That question is in our first deck. I lived with her for years and never thought to ask it.
Why I'd skip the stuff this year
I think a lot of us have hit our limit with our phones. I know I have. We wait all year to be in the same room as the people we love, and then half the night, everyone's looking at a screen.
Your parents don't need another gift. They need quality time with you. Human connection is the most important thing at the end of our lives, and the love language I believe in most is curiosity, in person.
A few studies I keep coming back to:
In a study of more than 300 people sharing a meal with friends or family, the ones who kept their phones on the table felt more distracted and enjoyed the meal less.
Dwyer, Kushlev & Dunn, 2018, Journal of Experimental Social PsychologyPeople expect deeper conversations to feel awkward. They usually turn out warmer and more connecting than we guessed.
Kardas, Kumar & Epley, 2022, Journal of Personality and Social PsychologyIn studies of real gift exchanges, gifts people experience together brought giver and receiver closer than material gifts did.
Chan & Mogilner, 2017, Journal of Consumer ResearchWhy a deck of cards, and not just "phones away"
Putting the phones away is the easy part. Then most of us don't know what to ask, so we fall back on the same safe topics: work, the weather, who's picking up which kid.
- The question is already written. Nobody has to come up with something deep on the spot.
- Everyone answers the same card. My mom, my dad and I all did, in two languages.
- Nothing to charge, nothing to scroll. No app, no notifications, no screen in the middle of the table.
- It still works from far away. You can text your mom one question a week, or play on a call.
I like that they are a physical card that people can use rather than something to access on a device.
What people told us after the holidays
Bought this and played it with my family over Christmas. We had some of the best conversations we have ever had. My father in law is not much of a talker but this game got him to open up and it was great to listen to all that he had to share
This game was so much fun! We connected and heard stories we never heard before. No phones for 2 hours. Precious family time. Loving these cards!
My immigrant parents and I have always had communication challenges and relationship issues. I bought these cards to facilitate dialogue with them over our holiday visit and it was the most open, comfortable, and non-confrontational conversation I can recall. I think we only got through 8 or 9 cards, and it was groundbreaking.
Me and my family have been substituting TV time with asking ourselves questions from this deck and we've been loving the deep conversations they kickstart.
The holiday bundle
Buy 2 Decks, Get 2 Free
Any 4 decks $78Regular price $156
- Four gifts, $19.50 each
- Free shipping on 2+ decks (US & Canada)
- 100-day money-back guarantee
- Packed by hand by my parents in San Francisco
- US: order by Tue, Dec 15 for Christmas (Ground)
Pick a deck for each person on your list
Each deck is made for one relationship. Add any 4 and you pay for 2.
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For your parents
Parents Are Human
English on the front, translated on the back. 19 language editions.
$39($19.50 with any 4)Choose a language for Parents Are Human -
For your partner
Partners Are Human
For deepening your romantic relationship.
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For the whole family
Families Are Human
For bringing your whole family together. Ages 5+.
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For your kids
Children Are Human
For bonding with little ones before they grow up. Ages 7 to 10+.
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For a sibling
Siblings Are Human
For growing closer to your sibling(s).
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For a friend
Friends Are Human
For growing closer to your friends.
How I'd give it
- Write one question from the deck inside the card. Mine would be "What was your favorite food growing up?"
- When they open it, play the first card together, right there.
- Leave the deck on the kitchen table. One card a week.
- If you live far apart, text them one question every Sunday.
Questions people ask me
My family isn't the deep-talk type. Will this be awkward?
The cards start light, and anyone can pass on a card. A lot of our reviews are from people whose dad or father-in-law "is not much of a talker."
Can we play if we don't live near each other?
Yes. I did this with my parents for a year: just one card, one question a week on a call. You can also text a question.
Will it arrive by Christmas?
In the US, order by Tuesday, Dec 15 at 5 pm PT for Ground shipping. Faster shipping is at checkout after that.
What if they don't like it?
Every order has a 100-day money-back guarantee.
My parents speak another language. Which deck?
Parents Are Human comes in 19 language editions, with English on the front and the translation on the back. You pick the language on the deck's page.
I almost waited too long with my mom and dad. I hope you don't.
This holiday, give them the deck, and give them an hour of you, phone in the other room.
Much love, Joseph
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